Sands in the hourglass......

I love my friends (and they love me, but that's not actually the direction this post is going). We are mostly the same breed of rather amusing crazy.

Last night, as often happens on a Saturday night, we all found ourselves at mbarr's apartment, eating pizza and sitting around chatting. The conversation wove around through the myriad topics we all find interesting. At some point, the following comment was made: "Rav Yochanan was a very pretty man." shirei_shibolim compared Reish Lakish to a particular comic panel, and cynara_linnaea and I made fun of R’ Yochanan’s presumed hair tossing. levana_b chimed in with the thought that he should be voiced by Rupert Everett (a la Prince Charming in Shrek). shirei_shibolim determined that the laws of Hollywood would only permit the casting of Orlando Bloom (in the Legolas wig). The downward spiral simply ensued.

What follows is as thorough a fancasting of the major Talmudic players as we could manage. Like 1776, there are few female roles, so we had to propose multiple women for the same part. The major pairs are put together, a list of assorted voices follows that, and some amusing single appearance characters follow them. If you get this, and would like to add characters or suggest a casting change, please feel free. The fact that the actor is dead should prove no obstacle. We understand that this movie could (and probably should) never actually be made.

"The League of Extraordinary Rabbis"

Hillel - Tom Hanks
Shammai - Alan Rickman

R’ Yochanan - Orlando Bloom
Reish Lakish - Hugh Jackman

Rabban Gamliel - Sean Bean
R’ Yehoshua - Liam Neeson

Abbaye - Jim Carrey
Rava - John Rhys Davies

Rav - Kirk Douglas
Shmuel - Robert Redford

Rav Ashi - Christopher Eccelston
Ravina - David Tennent

Bar Kochba - David Carradine
Tavi - Hank Azaria
R’ Akiva - Robin Williams
Rachel - Laura Linney
R’ Meir - Colin Firth/Steve Carrel
Bruria - Natalie Portman/Morena Baccarin/Reese Witherspoon
Elazar Ben Azaryah - Ian McKellan
R’ Eliezer - James Marsters
R’ Yochana ben Zakkai - Patrick Stewart
Raba - Anthony Stewart Head
Shimon Bar Yochai - Christopher Walken
Eliezer Bar Shimon - Hayden Christenson
R’ Zeira - Neil Patrick Harris
R’ Yehuda - Peter O’ Toole
R’ Shimon - Nathan Fillion
R’ Elazar ben Durdai - Richard Gere
Elijah - Michael Gambon
Elisha ben Abuyah - Johnny Depp

Confused Moshe - Charlton Heston
Obnoxious question poser (among other things, the man who asks to be taught the Torah while standing on one foot) - William Shatner
Ashmodai (Demon King) - Robert De Niro
Stama (Narrative Voice) - Morgan Freeman
Bat Kol (Heavenly Voice) - James Earl Jones
Greek Chorus of Sages - Statler and Waldorf
Angel of Death - DEATH

We are proposing a series of interlinked films (Marvel Universe style) based on the wackiest stories in the Talmud we can find. These should culminate in one final film: "The Redaction" (sort of like "The Avengers").

Screenplays by Neil Gaiman with funny bits by Terry Pratchett (especially the bits by the Angel of Death)
Directed, of course, by Joss Whedon



This insanity has been brought to you by: crewgrrl, mbarr, taylweaver, cynara_linnaea, masteraleph, mollygrue, levana_b and shirei_shibolim. Have a good laugh.